Five Minute Friday: BE

Today I'm linking up with the Five Minute Friday community, writing for five minutes on a given prompt. This week's word is BE.

***

Jonathan's been attending Extend-a-Family day camp for the past few weeks, as he has every summer (except 2020) since he was about six. Every Tuesday this summer they walk to the park and spend the day at the splash pad.

This past Tuesday at the park they were very surprised and delighted to meet up with Jonathan's friend Nick, whom he's known ever since they were little campers together at EAF. Nick now lives in a different town, and they haven't seen one another in over three years.

I wasn't there, but their encounter was captured in a few photos that Nick's grandmother sent me. This one is my favourite.

Jonathan (striped shirt), Nick (black shirt),
and camp counselor Lewis (green hoodie).

The joy of their reunion is unmistakable. They laughed, they played with each other's caps, and they laughed some more. Nick is nonverbal, but he and Jonathan did not need to use words to communicate how happy they were to see each other again. All they had to do was BE.

Jonathan and Nick in 2015

It's rare to find friendships that are just based on the joy of BEING. Often we think friendship must involve shared activities, beliefs, or life stages ... or that it requires seeing the friend a certain number of times a year ... or that we have to reciprocate invitations and pay back favours so everything is even. Some influencers even tell us -- especially in light of Covid, which has caused us to rethink a lot of our priorities -- that we should curate our friend lists to eliminate anyone who doesn't add value, who doesn't help make us The Best Version of Ourselves.

Jonathan and Nick help remind me that none of that is essential to a good friendship. Just being together and delighting in one another is all that's required. 

 

 

 

Merry Christmas 2019

It's almost Christmas, and we want to wish you the very best during your holiday celebrations and in the coming year. Here's a little of what's been going on in our family's life in 2019. 

Jonathan is 17 and in grade 12 at KCVI. He is still really enjoying himself there; he is so eager to get on the bus and happy to greet his teachers, EA, and friends throughout the school. His love for garbage, recycling, brooms, and shovels continues unabated, and he spends many happy hours on his iPad looking at garbage-truck videos. 

Allison is 21 now and continuing her studies at Queen's. After taking 10 online credits, she decided she wanted to take Linguistics, which isn't offered online -- so in September she enrolled in her first on-campus course. It's gone really well and she'll continue with that course in January. She's also continuing to enjoy her study of psychology; she had Clinical Psychology in the fall and will take Developmental Psychology in the winter. We're really proud of her determination and hard work.

Richard is still working at Kingston General Hospital, volunteering, and participating in various sports. In this picture he's completing the Kingston Half-Marathon.

I (Jeannie) have continued with my online course work at Queen's and my own writing. I had a few publications this year:

My poem "Departures" (about the death of my mom) was published in Juniper Poetry. Link here.

I had two pieces published in Fathom Magazine: a short essay called "When the Time to Weep is the Time to Laugh" (link here) and a poem called "interceding" (link here).

My prose poem "Along King Street" was published on the Kingston Public Library's Poetry Blackboard, curated by Kingston Poet Laureate Jason Heroux (link here). 

"Along King Street" was also one of five poems selected as part of Kingston's Vibrant Spaces Project: in August the poem was printed on a railing along Kingston's waterfront.

In other Jeannie news, I stopped colouring my hair this spring and went back to my natural gray/silver colour. I have no regrets: it's nice not to have the hassle of colouring, and there's something really freeing about just letting my true self be seen!

Speaking of seeing, I also had eye surgery in September. I had been struggling for a few years with double vision and was finally able to have it addressed surgically. The operation -- in which the muscles at the inside of both eyes were detached, repositioned, and stitched back up again -- was successful, and although the doubling has not been completely eliminated, I now see perfectly with my glasses. I'm really happy I had it done.

2019 was a challenging year in family terms. Rich's mom fell and broke her ankle in May; she spent almost three months recovering in a convalescent unit and was able to return home in August. My uncle Charlie in PEI (Dad's brother) died in July after a lengthy illness, leaving a huge void in all our lives. And in August Dad had a fall and had to be hospitalized; he stayed in hospital seven weeks and then moved to a nursing home in Charlottetown in early October. (I went into more detail about that in this post). Overall he seems to be adjusting well to his new home. 

All these events remind us that life can change quickly, and there isn't always an instruction manual for how to respond. Sometimes we're called to step up and provide help and support in ways we didn't expect; other times we're the ones needing the help and support. In the end, though, family and relationships are the most important thing in life. Some of us may be missing absent loved ones even in the middle of our joyful holiday celebrations. May we experience peace in these bittersweet days and be strengthened by our memories and our faith. 

God bless all of you in 2020.

 

Two different perspectives

The other day I took Jonathan to the library after school. It's only a 10-minute walk away, and he likes to go there once or twice a week to take out some of his favourite DVDs like the Wiggles, Super Why, Barney, Blue's Clues, etc.

  To be honest, right now he is really more interested in collecting the DVDs than in watching them. So he spots his favourites on the shelf; we take them out; we return them (sometimes unwatched) when they're due; he takes them out again; and the cycle repeats.

Full disclosure: sometimes at the library he is loud. If he finds a DVD he wants, he raises his voice and excitedly looks around to find someone to share his enthusiasm with. If he can't find what he wants, he will sometimes complain with a loud "OH NO" or "GONE." But either way, whether they're excited sounds or frustrated sounds, we're only there for about ten minutes. If he's ever being extremely disruptive, I try to get him out more quickly, but most of the time it's not a problem. Occasionally someone looks our way, but no one's ever shushed us; the staff sometimes even greet Jonathan by name.

The other day we had found the DVDs we wanted and were sitting on a ledge getting ready to leave. Jonathan likes to name the DVDs one by one as we put them in my bag. As we were doing this, an older lady walked past. Jonathan said, "Hi! Hi!", wanting to share his excitement; she smiled, and I thought, now isn't she a nice person. 

And then she said, "So this is who's been making all the noise!" and left the library.

Nice person, all right.

A couple of days later I was talking to Jonathan's teacher on the phone. She'd called to tell me she would be moving to a different position for the second semester. And then she raved about Jonathan.

She said how funny, comfortable, and talkative he is in the classroom.

She said how much he likes hanging out with David, a boy in another program whom he used to know in elementary school -- just two teenage guys enjoying each other's company.

 She mentioned how he greets and engages people in the school so happily when he and his classmates are doing their coffee-cart duties.

She commented on what an enthusiastic, fast walker he is when their class goes on outings.

"He's just so great," she said. 

To the woman in the library, Jonathan was one thing only: "the one making all the noise."

To his teacher, he was funny, friendly, enthusiastic, happy, and "so great."

They were looking at the same person but saw totally different things -- kind of like this well-known optical illusion which, if looked at one way, shows a young girl, but if looked at another way, shows an old woman with a wart on her nose.

This was such a good reminder for me, because I get frustrated with Jonathan myself at times -- maybe I focus too much on what he can't do or won't do or hasn't yet learned to do -- and lose perspective on all the amazing things that make him who he is. 

I guess we all do that sometimes. We all need to be reminded that people are not one-dimensional, and that if our perspective is too narrow we may end up missing something important. The woman in the library missed out because she just saw someone making noise; she didn't take time to see the whole picture and share, even for an instant, in Jonathan's enjoyment. I feel sorry for her. 

And as for his teacher: even if she isn't going to be his teacher anymore, it's good to know that while she was, she really saw him -- the whole person -- and appreciated him.

Christmas 2018: greetings from our family

Dear friends and family,

As Christmas approaches and 2018 draws to a close, I thought I'd write this post to share some brief updates about what our family's been doing in the past year.

Jonathan turned 16 in September and is in Grade 11 at KCVI (Kingston Collegiate & Vocational Institute). He is so happy to be a part of the School-to-Community class there. He has a new teacher this year but the same Educational Assistant (Dylan) as last year, so that continuity has helped. He has enjoyed many outings with his class: they took a day trip by train to Brockville (an hour away) to visit an aquarium; they attended a hockey game and the "Grinch" movie; they participated in Special Olympics basketball and bocce tournaments; and they take regular walks to the grocery store and parks for exercise. (Jonathan is known among his classmates for being a very fast,  enthusiastic walker!) Otherwise his favourite activities are going to the library to pick out DVDs and hogging the couch as he watches YouTube videos on the iPad he got for his birthday.

Allison is 20 now and is continuing her online studies at Queen's. This past year she's taken courses in children's literature, cognitive and social psychology, and world religions. She has adjusted well to the online course environment and seems to enjoy what she's taking, particularly psychology.  

Richard is still working as a nurse at Kingston General (recently renamed Kingston Health Sciences Centre, fyi) and as a clinical instructor for a Queen's nursing course. He's still volunteering every week with Circle of Friends and Run & Read, and staying active by running and playing squash, softball, and soccer. 

I (Jeannie) am still teaching an online course at Queen's,  participating in music and a women's study group at Bethel Church, and doing a lot of writing. I was gratified to have several publications this year: I'll post the links here in case you're interested in checking them out, but if not, feel free to scroll on by! 

- I had a poem published in a print journal for the first time: Relief published my poem "Lakeside, with Jonathan" in its Spring 2018 issue. 

- My poem "Coyotes" appeared in Issue 2 of Barren Magazine. Link here.

- My  short poem "Seen" was one of the winners of Fathom Mag's 40-word poem contest. Link here. 

- My very short story "Glimpse" was one of the winners of Fathom Mag's tweet-sized stories contest (entries had to be 280 characters maximum). Link here.

- My poem "Daylight saving" appeared in The Bangor Literary Journal's "Spring's Bride" publication. Link (to download pdf) here. 

As a family we travelled to PEI in August to visit Dad and other relatives for two weeks. We stayed at an AirBnB rental near Dad's (and my brother Lincoln's) apartment in Cornwall, which worked really well; we could walk back and forth to have coffee or supper with Dad and Lincoln, and we had lots of space of our own to relax in. It was one of our best trips in a while and we hope we can make a similar arrangement next time we visit.

We also had a family wedding this year: our nephew Josh Prinsen got married to Jess Davies in July, and we enjoyed celebrating with them and other friends and relatives.

To all our family and friends, we truly hope you enjoy times of celebration and reflection over the Christmas season. All the best in 2019 -- and please keep in touch!

 Photo at top of post taken by Carolyn Prinsen at Josh and Jess's wedding, July 2018.

My year in books: 2018

It's time for my end-of-year book post listing all the books I read this year. In previous years I've sometimes left this post until the very end of December or New Year's Day, but maybe you're still doing some Christmas shopping and would like some last-minute ideas -- in which case my post may be helpful.

My nonfiction list is always much longer than my fiction list, so I've divided Nonfiction up into smaller categories: Memoir/Autobiography, History/Biography, and Other Nonfiction. In one or two cases it was a bit difficult to figure out where a book fit, but in general I find these useful distinctions. Within each category I ranked my books this way:

5/5 (Exceptional)
4/5 (Excellent)
3/5 (Good)
2/5 (Okay)
1/5 (Poor)



FICTION:

Virgil Wander (Leif Enger). When middle-aged bachelor Virgil, who runs a local movie theater, has a car accident that leaves him with concussion symptoms, he must slowly reorient himself to life in his little down-on-its-luck Minnesota town. I grew to love Virgil and his endearing, quirky neighbours. The characters are wonderful, and Enger is such a magnificent writer. I hated to see this book end. (5/5) 

An American Marriage (Tayari Jones). The lives of a young couple, Roy and Celestial, are thrown into turmoil when Roy is unjustly convicted of a crime and sent to jail for ten years. Jones' technique of using alternating first-person narrators as well as letters allows us to understand all the characters' perspectives. The resolution doesn't come easily, but it's satisfying. Such a good novel. (5/5)

 Medicine Walk (Richard Wagamese). Franklin Starlight, a native boy raised in seclusion by a kind non-native man, is called to the bedside of his estranged alcoholic father, who wants Franklin to take him into the wilderness so he can die like a warrior. Beautifully written, haunting book about reconciliation, family, and story. (5/5) 

Little Fires Everywhere (Celeste Ng). The Richardsons' respectable lives are turned upside down when single mother Mia and her daughter Pearl move into their rental house. As in her first novel, Everything I Never Told You, Ng shifts smoothly among the points-of-view of many characters, revealing their motives and secrets.I liked this one a lot. (4/5)

Commonwealth (Ann Patchett). The lives of two families intersect in the first scene, leading to two divorces and two remarriages. The book then follows the six Keating and Cousins children, who've been reluctantly thrown together by their parents' actions. When one of the Keating daughters has an affair with a writer who uses their dysfunctional family story as inspiration for a novel, their complicated relationships are further threatened. Really enjoyed this. (4/5)

Fifteen Dogs (Andre Alexis). Greek gods Hermes and Apollo make a bet about whether dogs would be more or less happy if they could speak and think like humans. The gods decide to give human consciousness to fifteen dogs they spy in a veterinary clinic and then step back to see how the dogs respond, both individually and as a group. Some thought-provoking stuff here about the concept of time, the meaning of happiness, how we respond to change, etc. -- but overall it was choppy, at times confusing, and pretty bleak. We did this novel in our book study group; I found it quite interesting to discuss, but not especially enjoyable to read. (2/5)

NONFICTION:


Memoir/Autobiography:

All Things Consoled: A Daughter's Memoir (Elizabeth Hay). This was my favourite memoir this year. As Hay's strong, independent parents rapidly declined in old age and she and her siblings took on a greater role in their care and decision-making, Hay had to deal with challenging family dynamics, hurtful memories (particularly about her relationship with her angry father), and her own desire to be the good, responsible daughter. Beautifully written and so moving. (5/5)

Reading With Patrick: A Teacher, a Student, and a Life-Changing Friendship (Michelle Kuo). Kuo, the daughter of Taiwanese immigrants, went to teach at a school in Helena, Arkansas, where she worked with some of the country's poorest black students. When a student named Patrick was charged with murder, Kuo began to teach and mentor him one-on-one in prison -- where his self-confidence and literary skills came alive. Wonderful book about friendship, race, literature, and hope. (5/5) 

I'm Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness (Austin Channing Brown). As a girl, Brown discovered her parents had named her Austin so that when she was older and seeking work, prospective employers might assume she was a white man and be more likely to give her a chance. Her desire to explore and celebrate her blackness thus bumped up against her realization that it was disadvantageous to be black and female in America. Brown shares her experiences navigating the unconscious biases and open hostilities of white friends, colleagues, and strangers. So good -- particularly the final chapter, where she rejects white people's insistence that she should be more hopeful, and declares that she "dwells in the shadow of hope." (5/5)

Born a Crime: Stories From a South African Childhood (Trevor Noah). This book by the comedian and TV host chronicles his experiences as a boy born to a black mother and white father (hence his very existence was "a crime") as South Africa was emerging from apartheid. Equal parts hilarious, shocking, and heartbreaking. (4/5)

Strangers Tend to Tell Me Things: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Coming Home (Amy Dickinson). I enjoyed this memoir by the "Ask Amy" advice columnist; it chronicles her mid-life move back to her small hometown in New York State and her unexpected romance with a local building contractor. (4/5) 

Leaving Church: A Memoir of Faith (Barbara Brown Taylor). When Taylor was an Episcopal priest in a small-town church in Georgia, the joys and demands of pastoral ministry changed her and exposed her own brokenness and need. Although she left her church and pastoral ministry to become a college professor, she gained new appreciation for the reasons people do or don't gather in Christian community and for God's presence in unexpected places. Beautifully written like all of Taylor's books; hopeful but with a sad poignancy too. (4/5) 

Everything Happens For a Reason: And Other Lies I've Loved (Kate Bowler). Bowler, a scholar who (ironically) studies the prosperity gospel, was forced to confront her own assumptions about success and entitlement when she got colon cancer at age 35. In this book she reflects with candour and humour on facing her diagnosis, the prospect of dying and leaving her husband and small son behind, the things people do and say that do/don't help, and the need to face suffering without resorting to platitudes. (4/5) 

Reclaiming Hope: Lessons Learned in the Obama White House About the Future of Faith in America (Michael Wear). Wear was was part of President Obama's faith-based initiatives team during Obama's first term in office and worked on his 2012 reelection campaign. Very interesting behind-the-scenes look at Obama's relationship with Christian leaders, the faith-based office's efforts in disaster relief and anti-trafficking work, and controversies over abortion and gay marriage. Calls on Christians not to place their hope in politics, but to bring their faith to bear on all aspects of public life. (4/5) 

Aching Joy: Following God Through the Land of Unanswered Prayer (Jason Hague). I thoroughly enjoyed this very real, relatable book about how Hague is walking out the journey of being a father to his autistic son, Jack. (Go HERE to read my full review from earlier this year.) (4/5) 

Fire Shut Up in My Bones (Charles Blow). Journalist Blow tells of growing up in Louisiana with a hardworking mother and philandering father and of always feeling isolated and different. Sexual "betrayals" (his word) by older relatives marked him and spurred his lifelong exploration of his sexual identity and his identity as a black man. (4/5) 

A Place to Land: A Story of Longing and Belonging (Kate Motaung). Touching memoir of the author's life growing up in Michigan, her move to South Africa and marriage to a South African man, and her mother's devastating cancer diagnosis. I particularly related to Motaung's efforts to support and grieve for her mother from a distance. (3/5) 

Tell Me More: Stories About the 12 Hardest Things I'm Learning to Say (Kelly Corrigan). Corrigan shares stories from her own life and relationships, focusing on hard-to-say phrases like "I don't know" and "Tell me more." Quick, enjoyable read with some profound messages. (3/5) 

History/Biography: 

Prairie Fires: The American Dreams of Laura Ingalls Wilder (Caroline Fraser). This Pulitzer-winning book looks in-depth at the true life story behind the Little House on the Prairie books -- a story that in many ways is quite different from the tale of pioneer triumph and self-sufficiency that Wilder told. We also get a firsthand look at Wilder's problematic relationship with her daughter Rose and the strange collaborative process by which they composed the Little House books. A thoroughly fascinating exploration of one of our most beloved writers and her books. (5/5) 

A Light So Lovely: The Spiritual Legacy of Madeleine L'Engle (Sarah Arthur). This reflection on the life and work of the author of A Wrinkle in Time (and dozens of other books) is structured according to interesting paired concepts like Fact and Fiction, Sacred and Secular, etc. It reveals some of the contradictions of L'Engle's life yet reinforces her status as an influential writer of faith and imagination. (4/5) 

Charlotte Bronte: A Fiery Heart (Claire Harman). This was fairly interesting -- but having already read Margot Peters' much more engrossing Bronte biography An Unquiet Soul (published in the 70's) a few years ago, I didn't feel I got anything really new from this 2015 book. Even the title sounds too much like Peters'. (2/5) 

Other Nonfiction: 

So You Want to Talk About Race (Ijeoma Oluo). A fantastic book for anyone who wants to engage in conversations about race but doesn't know how, is afraid to offend or be offended, or just isn't familiar with the issues. Oluo discusses white privilege, intersectionality, cultural appropriation, the school-to-prison pipeline, and many other topics. Informative, challenging, and a little uncomfortable. (5/5) 

Ask a Manager: How to Navigate Clueless Colleagues, Lunch-Stealing Bosses, and the Rest of Your Life at Work (Alison Green). I like reading Green's online "Ask a Manager" column, so when I saw this at the library I picked it up. I enjoyed the straightforward advice (useful in many areas of life, not just work) and the odd-but-true stories about people's workplace experiences. (4/5) 


The Path Between Us: An Enneagram Journey to Healthy Relationships (Suzanne Stabile). This book by the co-writer (with Ian Cron) of The Road Back to You focuses on how the nine different Enneagram types behave in relationships and how to understand and relate to types that are different from our own. Really enjoyed this. (4/5) 

Self to Lose, Self to Find (Marilyn Vancil). This clear, accessible book on the Enneagram, written from a Christian perspective, explores the nine types, the three centers of intelligence, the authentic vs. adapted self, and Jesus' invitation to disown ourselves, take up our cross, and follow him. (3/5) 

Only Dead on the Inside: A Parent's Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse (James Breakwell). I enjoy Breakwell's tweets (@XplodingUnicorn) about his life with his wife, four young daughters, and pet pig, so I thought it would be fun to read his book -- and it was. If you want to "raise happy, healthy children in a world overrun by the undead," this book is for you. (3/5) 

I'd Rather be Reading: The Delights and Dilemmas of the Reading Life (Anne Bogel). This small book by the "Modern Mrs. Darcy" blogger consists of short essays about various aspects of a reader's life: waiting for your library reservations, reading the right book at the right time, living next door to a library, etc. Bogel's previous book, Reading People (an informative primer on the most popular personality-typing systems) was excellent, so I expected more substance than this book provided. It's a pleasant light read for an afternoon, though. (2/5) 

12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos (Jordan Peterson). I made my way through this at-times unreadable 400-page book so you don't have to. Peterson's twelve "rules" -- bits of folksy advice encapsulated in profound-sounding chapter titles like "Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today" -- are buried in overwritten, pompous, at times creepy prose. If the book's self-aggrandizing introduction (oops, "Overture") doesn't put you off, his first chapter, about standing up straight like a lobster (huh?) might. It's disturbing but really not surprising that Peterson has been so warmly embraced by the Incel crowd, considering that his book's central polarity is order (masculine) vs. chaos (feminine). He comes across as obnoxious and sexist. I would not recommend this book at all. (1/5)

WHEW. Where was I? Well, I guess I've come to the end of my list. Thanks for sticking with me right to the end! I hope you've found some interesting things to add to your gift list or your own to-read list. 


And if you've read any of the above books and want to share your own opinions -- whether in sync with mine or not -- please do so in the comments.

Hope you have a great reading year in 2019!

October 2018 Quick Lit: What I've been reading

Today I'm linking up with Modern Mrs. Darcy's monthly Quick Lit post where we share short reviews of what we've been reading.

A Light So Lovely: The Spiritual Legacy of Madeleine L'Engle by Sarah Arthur. 
This recently-released book reflects on the life and work of Madeleine L'Engle, author of A Wrinkle in Time and over 50 other works of fiction, nonfiction, and poetry. Arthur organizes her material according to paired concepts like Sacred and Secular, Faith and Science, Fact and Fiction, etc. L'Engle was both a revered and a controversial writer; while A Light So Lovely reveals aspects of her life that many of us may be unaware of, it also reinforces her influence as a writer of deep faith, intelligence, and imagination. Excellent book.

 
Aching Joy: Following God Through the Land of Unanswered Prayer by Jason Hague. 
In this memoir, released just a couple of weeks ago, Hague shares his journey as a dad coming to terms with his son Jack's autism diagnosis and learning more about prayer, dreams, and hope. So good and so real. You can read my full review HERE.

Only Dead On the Inside: A Parent's Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse by James Breakwell.
I follow Breakwell (a.k.a. @XplodingUnicorn) on Twitter and enjoy his funny tweets about life with his wife, four young daughters, and pet pig*. Amazon has this to say about the book: "This step-by-step manual teaches you how to raise happy, healthy children in a world overrun by the undead." Just as silly and fun as it sounds. 
(*By the way, one of Jonathan's favourite things to do while we wait for the school bus is to watch a video Breakwell posted of his family singing Happy Birthday to their pig, Gilly, as it eats a watermelon birthday cake they've placed ceremoniously in the middle of their living room carpet.) 

  Tell Me More: Stories About the 12 Hardest Things I'm Learning to Say by Kelly Corrigan.
If you picked this up thinking you were getting Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules for Life, I have great news: this is not that book! I stumbled upon Tell Me More, which I'd never heard of, at the library this summer and it looked intriguing, so I took it out. Corrigan shares stories from her family life and friendships, focusing on 12 key phrases that are important in relationships -- phrases like "I was wrong," "I don't know," and of course "Tell me more." This book is a quick, enjoyable read with some profound takeaways. Some of the stories took a little long to get going, but overall I liked it a lot.

Fifteen Dogs by Andre Alexis. 
This is the only piece of fiction I read since my last Quick Lit post, and it's an unusual one. In the first scene, Greek gods Hermes and Apollos make a bet over whether dogs would be happier or less happy than humans if they could speak and think like humans. They happen to be passing by a Toronto vet clinic, so they give human consciousness to the fifteen dogs inside. The rest of the book explores how this change affects the dogs as individuals and as a group. I read this for a book club, and it was certainly interesting to discuss issues the novel raises like what is happiness? how do we react to change? how do we experience time? etc. It is intriguing and original, but I can't actually say I enjoyed it: it felt choppy, and the overall atmosphere of the book was pretty bleak. 

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I'd love to hear your thoughts on any of these books, or on anything you've been reading. Please comment!