Five Minute Friday: EXPECT

Today I'm linking up with the Five Minute Friday community, writing for five minutes on a given prompt.

This week's word is EXPECT.

 

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I don't ride the train often, but earlier this week my daughter and I were coming back from a train trip out east. We boarded the train in Montreal to head back to Kingston. A friendly young woman in her twenties was the staff member for our car.

About an hour into our 2.5-hour trip, she was going up the aisle pushing the snack cart. A rather disheveled older man was sitting across the aisle from us. He had finished one can of beer and ordered another. While she was getting it for him, he said, "I just don't understand it."

"What's that, sir?" she said politely.

"Well," he said, his voice a bit slurred, "Here you are, working on a train. And there's all these fashion magazines out there..."

I could see her expression change; she started to frown and shake her head.

I wanted to say to him: "Stop! Stop saying words!" But he continued haplessly, "All these fashion magazines that should be beating down your door ... and you're working here."

She kept shaking her head and frowning as she gave him his beer and took his money, without making eye contact with him. "No, no," she said dismissively. "No, that's not for me."

As she moved on past us, she and I exchanged glances and rolled our eyes a bit. 

I admired her. She was professional. She didn't smile or thank him for the compliment. She deflected it in a way that showed she did not appreciate the inappropriate personal attention.

I wonder if she had headed to work that morning with the expectation that she would be able to do her job in a safe and respectful environment. 

She should have been able to expect that. 

Everyone should.

Five Minute Friday: VISIT

Linking up today with Kate Motaung at Five Minute Friday. 

This week's word: VISIT.

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I've only been managing one blog post a week lately: my Five Minute Friday posts. It's been a busy month, and I've found it hard to settle to do much writing. But when I saw this week's prompt, visit, I knew I had to make time for this one.

This Sunday Allison and I are leaving for PEI to visit my dad (and my brother and other relatives too, of course). We are going to take the train and have booked a sleeper cabin for overnight; we've never done that before, so we're looking forward to the adventure. 

For the six nights we're in PEI we'll be staying in a motel just a couple of blocks from my dad and brother's apartment. That will allow us to go back and forth easily and not require a car for most of our visit. 

I just realized this will be the first time since I moved away from PEI over 30 years ago that I have gone back and not stayed at our family home or with relatives.

There have been so many changes in our family these last three years since my mom died. My dad now lives in an apartment, having moved for the very first time in his life at the age of 80. Our family farm will likely pass into the hands of new owners this summer; that transaction will truly be the closing of a door. 

All of us -- Dad especially -- have had to face the challenge of finding a new normal. What we all called "home" is just not the same anymore. But we can still visit, share memories, and savour the time we have with the people we love.

Our family home in PEI 
(photo Alycia Adams-MacEachern, Oct. 2014)

Five Minute Friday: TRUTH

As I do on most Fridays, I'm joining up with Kate Motaung's Five Minute Friday linkup. 
The word this week is TRUTH.

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Someone once wrote these words to me:

"We need to get to the truth before we can find our way back to love again."

This was someone I loved. Someone who loved me. Someone with whom I had had a very difficult conflict.

When I read those words, this is what they said to me:

"You are wrong, but you are not willing to admit it. That is why we can't reconcile. Once you admit you are wrong, then maybe I will be willing to consider re-establishing a relationship with you."

I have thought about that a lot since then. Is that how relationships work: admit you're wrong (even if you don't think you are) so that the person will condescend to love you again? That doesn't sound like relationship, it sounds like judgment: assemble an agreed statement of facts and render a verdict.

I want to say that the reverse is true: love always takes the lead. It always establishes the safety and commitment of the relationship first, providing a sound foundation from which truth can be explored. That makes sense to me.

But in the end, I don't think truth and love are separate things. Maybe my finite mind needs to talk about them separately to try and make sense of them -- but they are really different ways of saying the same thing. The Bible says "God is Love," and Jesus says "I am the Truth." 

God is both of those things, all the time. He doesn't lean toward one or the other depending on which is most appropriate in the circumstances. His love is always truthful; his truth is always loving. 
  
I don't fully understand how this can be -- but I believe it. And it helps me, because now when I hear truth and love being spoken of as distinct, or opposite, or conflicting, I recognize that this is a concession to our human way of thinking. The deeper reality is this: 

Truth and Love are inseparable. 

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Five Minute Friday: MOM

I'm linking up with Kate Motaung today for Five Minute Friday. Today's word is MOM.

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This photo of my daughter (then 12 years old), me, and my mom was taken in 2010, when we were visiting Mom and Dad in PEI. This picture is precious to me now because Mom died four years later at the age of 79, just over two months after being diagnosed with liver cancer.

After our friend did the photo shoot that day, Mom confessed to me that she was a little mortified that he'd chosen the dilapidated old woodhouse as a background. This was probably before Pinterest came on the scene and before the huge burgeoning trend of having wedding photo shoots (and weddings themselves) in old barns and farmyards. 

I assured her that our photographer friend had an artistic eye and that the background was great -- but I guess Mom couldn't quite see the "chic" part of "shabby chic."

Yet I don't think it would have bothered her at all if it was someone else's old gray shed. She was probably a lot more uncomfortable with her own (supposed) imperfections than anybody else's.

But if so, she didn't let that get in the way of sharing what she had with other people -- and that is what made her so good at showing hospitality. I consider that one of my mom's best gifts. She loved to have people over. If the church needed people to host billets, she would eagerly volunteer; she loved getting to know people from different places. Whatever concern she might have had about whether things were perfect or not, she never let it stop her from giving a warm welcome.

We all have flaws we might prefer the world not see -- but they don't have to hold us back from welcoming and sharing with others. In fact, we might be surprised to find that the things we think are a little shabby actually look quite beautiful to other people.

That's something my mom taught me, not so much with her words, as with her actions.

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Five Minute Friday: SHOULD

Today I'm joining the Five Minute Friday linkup again, where we write for five minutes on a given prompt. 

This week's word is SHOULD.

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SHOULD is a very versatile word. It can make us feel lousy about the past, the present, and the future.

The past:

• "I should have been a better mom; I made so many mistakes."
• "I should have been kinder to that person, but now it's too late."

The present:

• "I should lose weight; nothing fits me and I look awful."
• "I should be doing some volunteer work. My neighbour volunteers 30 hours a week."

The future:

• "I should say yes to that request, although I know I won't have the time to do it well, because So-and-So will be angry with me if I don't."
• "I should set achievable goals for all areas of my life for this next year so that I'll be able to get rid of this nagging feeling of unworthiness ..."

Talk about pressure. We impose so many should's on ourselves, many of them based on comparison, shame, guilt, regret, and stress.

But God doesn't bombard us with should messages that trap and discourage us. Instead, He calls us. He invites us.

"He has shown you what is good; and what does the Lord require of you? To act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God." - Micah 6:8

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." - Matthew 11:28-30

Not a should in sight.